Upshot Energy Shot Mocha
Price: $2.00 (75ml)
Taste: 3
Power: 10
The good stuff: Guarana, Green Tea Extract, Caffeine
This little guy has been sitting in my fridge for quite some time…seems it got hidden behind a bunch of other stuff for the past 5 or 6 months…..it was a nice treat to find when I started reorganizing everything. The first flavor of Upshot I tried was Fruit…and while it was ok, it was definitely not something I would pick up again on taste alone. Mocha would hopefully be different, but even if it wasn’t, I knew what I was getting my hands on power wise so any improvement would just be an added bonus.
Well, I can safely say that FRUIT is the better way to go here. Upshot Mocha is some nasty stuff…I kinda felt like I just wiped a coffee beans butt with my tongue if that tells you anything. Let me try to describe what I just experienced.
1) Take a really bad coffee and let it evaporate a bit so that it gets cold and thick.
2) Add some cough medicine to thin it back out
3) Find a shot of the crappiest liquor you can find, remove the alcohol and add it to the mix
And that would probably get you close…not that you would WANT to get close, but at least you have an idea now. This stuff just sucks as a stand alone drink. Now the little bottle does say you can mix it with coffee or steamed milk…that might in fact help, then again you could totally screw up a good cup of coffee, and I would think that this stuff would straight up curdle milk…but I’m not about to find out. I just took a couple of sips so that I could process the flavor (big mistake, but since that’s what you are reading this for it had to be done) and then chugged the rest of it. And let me tell you that was freakin harsh. My gag reflex actually kicked in and I was honestly afraid that I would be tasting this stuff twice. Typically the thought of throwing up is bad enough, but that was actually overshadowed by the mere hint that I would have to taste this shit for the second time today. This stuff actually has the lowest taste score of anything so far as it has now come the closest to making me throw up of anything I have tried at this point….way to go Mocha! Now that I have it all down and my stomach seems to be allowing it to stay, I am starting to worry about what this is going to do to me down the road….but I’m not even about to go there in this review.
So the power….well, It works…and thankfully it works really well. This stuff is FAST, and STRONG. It would definitely be good for a late night boost as it would totally wire you and wake your ass up. You definitely get a very solid rush from it, and it’s an extremely noticeable rush as it comes on very fast (200mg of caffeine in 75ml has a tendency to do that.) The problem here is the pain you have to go through to get it. Basically it’s like someone telling me that I get to make out with Naomi Watts but I have to let them run a power drill with a 5 inch long bit through my thigh first. No matter how great the end result sounds it’s going to be hell first….so keep that in mind.
By the way…you may notice that I gave the Fruit a 9 and Mocha a 10. Well, the shitty flavor actually aids in waking you up. Imagine a skinny nerdy kid trying to play baseball for the first time…he gets up to the plate, takes a real early and over powerful swing at a pitch and the weight of the bat carries him around so that the ball contacts the back side of it causing a bunt…total disaster with a potentially effective outcome.
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