SoBe Superman Super Power Adult Energy Supplement

Cost: $1.99 16 oz

Taste: 4

Power: 7

The good stuff: Taurine, Guarana, Yerba Mate, Ginseng, Caffeine

  This one totally caught me off guard today.  I walk up to the energy drink fridge at my local 7-11 and start doing the usual roulette wheel of energy drinks in my brain to figure out which one of the same old same old I’m gonna pick up for the drive in to work.  Sitting between the Frappio and giant sized Amp’s I see a brand new SoBe energy drink!!  Hell yeah, day’s off to a good start already!  So what I get in my hands is a very odd black and white can with the Superman logo plastered across the front….quite an un-super display in all honesty.  I’m sure that somewhere out in comic book land there is a Superman fanatic who is getting goosebumps because he is in on some amazingly geeky Superman mythology regarding why this can is black and white as opposed to full color reds and blues….but believe me when I say if that is you, I don’t want to hear about it…really, I don’t give a shit so spare me the details.  Hell, for all I know the real reason is that the color can printer got jammed up by a rabid mouse that ran into the gears and SoBe said “Screw it, go with the black and white.”  Anyway, on to the drink…

  So what we have is a superman SoBe energy drink….quite some serious expectations to stand up to…and let me be the first to say, taste wise….SoBe, FU.

  Take the CRAPPIEST grape candy you can find (Think shitty grape lolli pops and crappy grape hard candy) grind it up and let it dissolve into water.  Now find the cheapest grape cough syrup you can get your hands on and dump in about a quarter of the bottle to the above mix and then give it just a few shots of Chloraseptic…and that’s about where my brain stops processing the rest of the flavors.  Now I mention grape as the base flavor, but honestly, I have no idea what the base flavor is supposed to be…really, I don’t.  Crappy grape just seems to be about the closest comparison I can come up with on this one, but crappy cherry is also an option…the key here though is crappy.  Honestly, if suck was a flavor, I think this would be it…. This stuff will probably end up being the ET Atari cartridge of the energy drink world….a rushed out product riding on the coat tails of a popular movie that fails miserably in its execution.  I’d say that they’d be better off sending these all out to some land fill, but I can only imagine the repercussions of this crap leaking into the ecosystem. 

  So, take away any signs of good flavor and we still have the ENERGY stuff to fall back on….right?  Well, yeah…sure…if you are up for that kind of torture.  Let me put it this way….if you were camping out in the desert and got bit by a snake and had to jump lethargic and sleepy into your car and drive for 200 miles to a hospital with only this stuff to perk you up…..pray for death.  The power you get is nowhere near worth the hell you must endure to earn it.  At best, it’s what you would expect from a drink this size, at worse you get about half the kick because you spit out or poured out half the can.

  Seriously, if you are going to buy this stuff, do so because you are a die hard Superman fan looking for something to add to your Superman collection…not for your own consumption.  I can see this stuff selling on E-Bay for $125 per can in a few years to the superman fans and for $200 per can to college frats as some part of a foul hazing ritual.

  It’s been a looong time since I have had a drink close to being this bad….it was inevitable, but daaaaaamn.  Yes folks, this type of crap is the reason I started this site, so you have been warned.  Believe me when I say I have suffered enough for the rest of you on this one.